Every story starts somewhere
and mine begins in a small town called Silver Springs, Nevada.
My mother was an ex-showgirl.
Emphasis on the ex.
There's my father!
He came by for the beer.
Whoa. Oh, my God. Look at this.
Oh, my god!
Happy Birthday, Donna. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I didn't get to blow out my candles but I do remember my wish.
That I could get as far away from Silver Springs as possible.
Well, that didn't happen.
Come on, Sweetie.
My mom, always optimistic, was on her fourth husband, Pete.
Come on, baby, come on.
Oh, what happened.
Rodney, his son.
No need for DNA testing on that one.
I still had my mind on a different life, beyond Silver Springs
Then I met Tommy, the high school quarterback.
Boy was he a great kisser.
Together I knew we were going places.
He went as far as assistant manager at the BigLots.
And used his pull to get me a job in the luggage department.
This is the best bag money can buy, bar none, OK?
You've got nylon twill with the special protective coating.
This is the bag you use when you fly?
Well...
I've actually never been on an airplane.
But if I ever get to go on one
this thing is going to follow me around like my own little dog.
My birthday came and I didn't have to make the old wish.
Tommy and I had found our way out.
Hey, I caught you.
Donna, hey. I thought you didn't get off till eight.
I got Becky to cover for me.
Now that you're here...
Let me have the card.
No, no. It's silly. Just forget about it.
It's kinda corny.
Hey, I brought that dress you like. Wanna watch me change?
No. Hey, Donna. Look, don't read that.
Come on. I like things that are corny.
You're breaking up with me?
In a birthday card?
Why?
Well, they don't make breaking up cards.
I thought that w... we had plans.
Look, don't take this the wrong way.
But I decided to take somebody else to Tucson.
Somebody else?
Linda, from lawn chairs.
No, actually it's Brenda in barbecues.
Look, Donna, you're a great girl. Really, you are.
But, well, just... promotion and transfer to Tucson...
I need to shake things up a bit, you know.
Business is business.
Come on, Donna, face it. You're a small town girl.
You belong here.
We're back with "Pure Oxygen", talking to Sally Weston.
Sally, when was the moment you decided to change your life?
I left BigLots and thought about becoming an alcoholic.
Just kidding!
But then something happened.
... nothing but garbage in front of me,
the worst moment of my life, and I thought what am I going to do?
And for a second I was scared
because since I was little all I heard was "You are nothing.
And nothing is what you deserve. "
But that night something clicked and I knew I was worth something.
From a girl in West Texas to world famous flight attendant
Author of "My Life in the Sky". Can we get a shot of that?
Motivational speaker. But I'm curious. Why flying?
Steph, no matter how much I love that sleepy town
my dreams weren't waiting down there.
They were waiting up there.
And, frankly, people, no matter where you're from,
no matter who people think you are,
you can be whatever you want. But you've got to start right now.
Right this second, in fact.
But how?
You should start by buying my book.
I agree, you can't have my copy. "My life in the sky."
Don't go away. We'll be back with more "Pure Oxygen".
I took Sally's advice.
Sure, Sierra Airlines wasn't the biggest and the best,
it was the smallest and the absolute worst.
But everybody has to start somewhere.
Donna, why do you want to be a stewardess?
Well, for all the travel opportunities and the excitement.
We're a budget airline. We fly from Laughlin to Fresno.
Once a week to Bakersfield!
We've got five planes. We fly gamblers and drunks.
Right.
I want to provide those gamblers and drunks the best service in the sky.
You're gonna love the uniform.
Our motto is Big hair, short skirts.
And service with a smile.
Sir, please fasten your seatbelt.
You nervous?
I'm Sherry.
Donna.
Welcome to Sierra.
As much as you can today, sweetie, stick by me.
I hear we're full. This is a piece of cake.
OK.
OK, the overhead bins are closed and the cabin is secure.
Good job. I'll do the safety. You go tell the Captain we're ready.
OK.
Welcome aboard Sierra Airlines flight 312 to Fresno.
There are three emergency exits...
Captain, we are...
Captain?
Is he alright?
Don't worry about him.
He'll be fine.
I'll poke him with a stick and he'll get at it.
If not, I'll give him his blankie and take matters into my own hands.
Steve. Steve Bench.
Call me co-pilot Steve.
I'm Donna, Jensen.
I'm a trainee.
You nervous, Donna?
No.
- Well, yeah. A little bit. - Don't worry.
I've had only two near misses and a couple of minor crashes,
but I chalk it up to experience and I feel better about it.
I'm joking.
I knew that.
If there's anything I can do for you, anything, you come up here. OK?
Put your hands on your knees.
They don't want them flailing about if we crash.
It's just like a roller coaster.
Have you ever been on a plane before?
Well, yeah. I mean, you know...
Sometimes it helps if you don't look down.
I'm doing great.
- Shit! - It's just the wheels.
- We lost the wheels? - No, Donna, relax.
I am relaxed.
Ah, aah.
We're gonna crash. Oh, my god.
- We're gonna crash! - Come back here.
We're gonna crash! We're gonna crash!
Thank you. Please fly with us again.
Enjoy the sights.
How you doing?
I was terrible. I couldn't walk.
I spilled the coffee. I totally freaked out the passengers.
It wasn't exactly a frozen lake up there.
Turbulence is tough. You'll get the hang of it.
Am I gonna get fired. I'm gonna get fired.
Nobody's getting fired. Really.
You're gonna be a pro. You're going places.
You think?
I'm a pilot. It's my job to know where people are going.
...put your seat in the upright position.
Ma'am, would you put your tray table up?
To fasten your seatbelt, insert the metal fitting...
Before long I was flying full speed ahead.
I even got my own trainee, Christine.
There wasn't a lot to do on weekends except tanning at Lake Havasu.
I can't believe your boyfriend owns this houseboat.
If you don't marry him, Sherry, I am gonna kill you.
First, sweetie, Herb ain't asked me. Second...
Oh, my god.
- What's wrong. - My clasp broke.
I think there are safety pins in the bedroom closet.
Don't worry about it. Go topless.
You are a very bad influence on me.
Thank you.
Mmm hmm! Lake patrol at two o clock.
Hey, Sherry. Herb around?
Dunno. Might be inside.
What'd he do now, take a leak in the lake?
He ran off with my flare gun and never returned it.
Well, you have my permission to teach that man a lesson.
Ted. This is Christine.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Christine.
Hey, let me know if you need any back up, huh?
I might take you up on that.
Freeze...
I am so sorry. I thought you were Herb.
Do I look like a Herb?
No Ma'am, you look nothing like a Herb.
I'd appreciate it if you could find it in your heart to forgive me.
It's alright. Who are you, anyway.
I'm no one. I mean... I'm Ted. My name's Ted.
Well, Ted, I'm Donna. You can uncover your eyes now.
Pleased to meet you, Donna.
My clasp broke. I was looking for a safety pin.
Don't move. Help is on the way.
Clasp, huh?
What are you gonna do with those?
Turn, please.
OK...
You new around here?
Yeah. I work with Sherry down at Sierra.
OK, all set.
Thank you.
It was the least I could do.
And as you're new around here
I have to tell you that it is my official duty
to give all newcomers a special guided tour on my boat.
There you go.
You mind if I come with?
OK, sure.
Beautiful, huh?
Thank you.
Really is.
Ted, would you oil my back?
OK, yeah.
- Thank you. - Sure.
So how did you become an officer of the law?
Oh, I'm not... I'm a student, a law student.
Or I was. At Ohio State? My family's from Cleveland.
"Was"?
Yeah. I quit my final semester.
And then I went bumming around for a few months
- and now I'm here for a while. - Yeah. I quit high school.
Would you do my shoulders?
Why'd you quit?
- Well, I was... - I don't...
Everything was on track.
I was on my way to being a big shot attorney.
I had a hot law firm all lined up and then...
...I thought, what am I doing. Is this what I really want?
My whole life was over before it had even begun.
I wanna travel, I wanna see the world, eat, drink, enjoy myself.
Then I had this crazy idea that I would,
I would look for the thing that would make me most happy.
Would you mind if I saw you next weekend?
I swear, they do.
Can you believe we had to refuel here?
I mean where are we, Bedrock?
- So what was the bathroom like? - Awful.
- I love that lipstick. - Chanel.
Remind me, when we get to New York, I have to go straight to Vuitton.
- Are those new earrings? - The guy in Rome.
The guy in London.
Oh, thank god. We're out of here. I think I need to take a flea dip.
We'd better go.
Don't forget you wanted to go to the gift shop, get a Toblerone.
Right.
You know what?
What?
We are just as good as they are.
We are?
We needn't spend our lives working at Sierra
for some weaselly ex-bookie.
You know, I once worked for Pan Am.
Three whole months.
The uniforms were natural fibre.
What happened?
They went bust.
So you started working for Sierra?
I needed me a job and nobody else was hiring.
They're hiring now.
Royalty Airlines Job Fair.
This weekend at the Marriot Hotel, San Francisco.
You guys, this could be so good.
Who, then?
Oh-oh, living on a prayer.
Take my hand We can make it I swear.
Oh-oh. Living on a prayer
"No person my serve as a flight attendant
unless that person has demonstrated to the pilot in command
familiarity with the necessary functions to be performed in and..."
Oh, my god, you dot your 'i's with little hearts? That's so cute.
Ah, well. It's my trademark.
That and my hickeys.
Well, a girl's gotta have a skill!
I was excited to be interviewed by the legendary John Whitney.
- INTERVIEWS IN PROGRESS - He'd been with Royalty a long time.
Hi, I'm John Whitney.
Maybe a little too long.
This one.
Head of the Royalty Flight Attendant Trainee Programme.
Tell me, why do you want to work for Royalty Airlines?
I believe that I have a lot to offer your airline.
Because the planes are... so much bigger.
Oh, my gum.
Why do you want to work for Royalty Airlines?
Oh, well...
I've got a lot of answers but I've gotta think of the right one.
Take your time. Collect, gather, go.
Because I'm organised and efficient.
I worked for Sierra airlines, you know.
I put that down there.
Yeah. Right above Hooters.
Hooters! Right. Oh, yes.
If there's a task in front of me
I will not stop until it is perfect.
Did I say organised?
- Got a question for you. - OK.
What's your tolerance level for pain?
Physical pain?
Like... sexual pain?
- Are you a people person? - Definitely! A big people person.
- Not just big people. - Not just giants.
...to learn and to follow through with all the tasks.
- I'm just going to say a few words. - Yeah, OK.
Didgeridoo.
Scooby-Doo doo.
Tectonic plates.
Dishwear.
Do you handle surprises well?
I scared you didn't I?
It has always been my dream to work for the best
and I think you guys are the best.
That's just terrific. You're terrific. How 'bout.
N... no. This one.
It's called strabismus.
There's no business like stro-bismus.
I get to make jokes.
Does anything frighten you?
Oh, you mean the eye!
I didn't notice.
- Oh, my god. - You're kidding.
That's the way the cookie crumbles.
This is so unfair. You're a better flight attendant than we'll ever be.
Thanks. I'll be fine.
I've been thinking about quitting anyway.
I'm sure gonna miss you guys.
We're gonna miss you too.
Study hard, and make me proud.
Congratulations to Donna Jensen.
Getting into the Royalty Learning Centre.
I'm nervous. People say it's really hard.
A lot don't make it past the first two weeks
and I really don't want to be on of them.
Are you kidding me?
They wouldn't pick you unless you could handle it.
Look at you. You're smart, you're beautiful, you're charming.
You're gonna do great.
Wow, you give one hell of a pep talk.
Well, I got a lot of that back home. My parents are big cheerleaders.
Sally always says
the greatest asset somebody can have is having people who believe in them.
Who's Sally, your aunt?
She's kinda like a friend.
- No. - Yeah.
Oh, we're gonna have a little goodbye party Friday night
from seven to whenever.
Yeah, well. I tell you, I'm probably not gonna make it.
Why not?
I could be happy for you that you're leaving, for an hour.
But seven till whenever? The smile won't last.
Yeah. The timing's kind of terrible, huh?
I had a really good time, and I was hoping you'd be a jerk
so I wouldn't feel I was missing out by moving to Texas.
Well, I'm parked out there.
Yeah. I'm...
- Right. - So...
You know, the only kiss we've got here is a goodbye kiss
which, as kisses go, is not my favourite.
So...
- Goodbye Donna Jensen. - Bye.
- Good luck in school. - Thank you.
Don't run with scissors.
Why can't all choices be simple?
Why can't they all be window or aisle, coffee or tea,
not career or romance.
...B, that's a fun one. Now take off.
Hi.
Hi, I'm John Whitney.
Head of the Royalty Flight Attendant Trainee Programme.
Welcome and congratulations Dayna.
It's Donna.
Sure, OK. Good to see you, Mary.
- It's Christine, actually. - Sure, OK. Great.
What we have here is your Royalty Airlines amenities kit
containing airport codes and regulation manuals,
your registration packet, campus rules
and information about our mentor programme. Yeah.
You two will be staying in dorm... C.
That's a fun one. Yeah. Questions.
None. Good. Alright, take off.
- Hi, Cindy. - Jeanette.
My god. Sally Weston is a mentor?
Sally Weston!
So, who is this Sally Weston person anyway.
Who is Sally Weston?
Only the author of My Life in the Sky.
Sally Weston represents an ideal of poise and beauty and accomplishment
that every flight attendant should strive to achieve.
Oooh, I like her hair.
Hello.
Yes. This is she.
We'd love to.
Oh, my god.
Howdy!
Welcome aboard.
Howdy!
- More white wine, girls. - Yes, please.
I'm sorry. How about you, Randy.
Please. Just consider me one of the girls.
This is a really big house you have, Mrs Weston.
Thank you. Jack built it.
Along with all of Rancho Esmeralda Community.
- He built the whole thing. - With my bare hands.
How did you all meet.
Oh, that is a cute story.
Jack was flying to Maui to build the Kaanapali Towers Resort.
I was serving him. This was first class.
And he must have pushed that call button 20 times.
"More warm nuts."
"More warm nuts." No man alive could eat that many warm nuts.
So then, when I saw this huge pile of warm nuts under his seat, it hit me.
It wasn't the nuts he wanted. It was me.
Oh.
Where have you been all my life, Mr Man.
What was it like when you started flying?
"Sally", please.
Oh, it was wonderful. The exotic cities.
Yeah, I hear all those Europe guys are uncircumcised.
Nope. Not all.
So,
is it difficult to get those international routes?
- You have to have seniority. - Should I apply now?
Even then you have to speak several languages, and serve impeccably.
But it was worth it. It was different then.
People dressed for flights. It was like every night going to the opera.
Every night was...
Magic.
Oh!
You scared me.
Sorry. There's something I want to show you.
This is all yours?
You bet. It's everything I wanted.
You can have everything you want too.
If you stay focussed.
Follow your head, not your heart.
What do you mean?
I sense something in you, Donna. Something special.
What is it?
Hunger.
- You do? - Mmm-hmm. I had it myself.
I wanted Paris. First Class. International and nothing less.
So, today this is all mine.
You're just like me, Donna.
My old uniform.
- Oh, that is so beautiful. - Of course it is. We're Royalty.
Oh. Suits you.
Feel the fabric.
It's so...
Soft?
And luxurious?
Paris. First Class. International. Donna, say it.
Paris. First Class. International.
It's the only road to happiness.
Paris. First Class. International.
It's your destiny.
'Ten hup!
At ease.
Welcome aboard. You should all be very, very proud.
The simple fact that you're here at the Royalty Learning Centre
means you've joined a very special family.
The Royal-ty Family.
Our first goal here at Royalty Airlines
is to bring back the style and the glamour
to the art of flying.
In the coming weeks I'll impart to you the necessary hands-on training
for you to function at the highest level.
Up there.
But don't expect an easy road! No, no, no.
An easy road, comma, don't expect one.
I will not hold your hand. I'm not even going to touch it.
Now, what I want all of you to do is to stand up.
Come on, let's go. Stand up.
And I want you to look underneath your seat. Go ahead.
Taped to the bottom each of you will find a one dollar bill.
Now what did we learn from this exercise?
We learned you have to get off your arse to make a buck.
Down!
Thank you. Now, we don't actually learn to make bucks here.
But we do learn to treat our passengers...
...like Royalty. Yeah.
So, shall we get started.
There's an oxygen mask up above you.
On a hidden shelf.
Before helping the people who love you
Put it on yourself.
Excuse me, Miss.
This is First Class. I want my hand towels, my little booties
And I want my warm nuts.
You call these warm nuts?
I've felt warmer nuts on a polar bear.
Stop it.
No.
What did we learn here?
Upon encountering a DP,
or a disgruntled passenger take the following steps:
A. Listen.
Two. Acknowledge.
And C. Explain.
And on a more personal note
I have actually felt a polar bears nuts. Yeah.
Quite toasty warm.
Get those masks on.
Louder.
We learn to keep our heads, to stay calm
and to not get freaked out. OK? Just remember the HALTprinciple.
Disgruntled passengers
are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired and have a skewed vision of the world.
OK, that's HALTs, hungry, angry lonely, tired, skewed vision.
HALTs, V,W.
Go!
Asses the window.
- OK, stop, stop. - What?
It's AssESS the window, not ASSes the window.
You put the wrong em-PHA-sis on the wrong syll-AB-le.
... with a skewed world view.
So really it's VIC TIMs, V, W.
But you get my point.
Assess the window.
Jump! Jump!
Remove your shoes. Don't take anything with you.
Whoa. Yes. 11 seconds. The trainee record.
God.
What's the matter?
Who are we kidding. I'm never gonna fly a seven-forty-seven.
Headed right for Royalty Express. Probably wind up in Cleveland.
Christine,
stop being so hard on yourself. You just have to concentrate.
That's easy for you to say.
You're headed for New York and London.
I am not smarter than you. OK?
Who cares anyway what to do in a water landing?
They don't land in the damn water, they crash.
People always say that everyone's good at something, you know?
That everyone has some sort of hidden skill.
What if I don't?
What if there's nothing that I'm good at?
What about your hickeys?
Yeah.
Come on. Would you stop beating yourself up?
You'll get through this with flying colours.
Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna dry those little eyes?
Where'd you get these?
Oh, from Sally Weston's house.
There's a whole bunch of them. Aren't they cool?
You stole them?
No. They're guest soap. We were guests.
They were there for us.
Yeah, to use. Not to take.
Come on, everybody does it. It's no big deal.
Excuse me. Didn't you read chapter seven?
- Chapter seven. - Employment and ethics.
If you get caught stealing anything, headsets, soap,
you will get fired... like that.
You're not mad at me, are you?
No.
Time's up. Pencils down, books closed.
Remember to write your ID number on the front of the exam booklet
and pass it forward.
So, how'd you do?
New York, here I come.
Thank you. Thank so much for listening. Thank you.
Can I get my picture with you?
I would love that. Where do you want to be?
- Can we do it... - OK.
- Can you get the R in it? - Say "Royalty."
Repeat after me. First Class International. Got that?
First Class International.
Cincinnati, that's not that bad.
Miami! I got Miami.
Oh, my God!
Hey, Donna, Donna. I got New York
There must be some mistake.
Miss Jensen, try and take this news with the poise and grace
that one associates with Royalty Airlines.
We expect our employees to behave professionally
and to handle set backs with integrity.
Screw integrity. I am not going back to commuter.
Oh, my god. I can't believe this is happening.
This cannot be happening.
Royalty Express, although commuter,
is still a member of the Royalty family. OK?
It's not my destiny. I want my destiny.
Well, I'm sorry. But you'll be eligible to reapply after one year.
One year!
I was the best in my class. You were there.
I've seen it a hundred times. You peaked too soon.
I don't understand.
How do I explain this.
You're what we in the trainee business call a peak-too-sooner.
Yeah. It happens.
- I aced that test. I want to see it. - That's not procedure.
Call Sally Weston. She'll tell you it's not...
Sally Weston, although an excellent mentor,
she has no authority in these matters.
Bullshit.
You know what's bullshit? Eye exams, that's what's bullshit.
I wanted my destiny too, you know. I wanted to be a flight attendant.
But no! There's a shit stick out there called procedure, Miss Jensen,
And I'm here to tell you everyone gets hit with the shit stick.
Alright? Eye exam, eye exam, eye exam.
Forgive me.
Dr Tim, at the centre says that when I get like this I need to refocus.
So just give me a second, OK?
I am a kitten.
Better.
OK, look,
you can fly Royalty Express for a year, or you can leave the airline.
Where am I going?
Let me have a look here.
Welcome to Cleveland Hopkins International Airport.
Please remain seated until the aircraft has come to a stop
and the fasten seatbelt sign is turned off.
We know you have a choice when you travel
and we thank you for choosing Royalty Express.
I don't know if I mentioned it,
but I'm really glad I'm working with you. And in Cleveland.
Don't you love it? Terminal Tower, Lake Eerie.
Like Paris except everybody speaks English and is overweight.
We are gonna look so thin!
When you meet someone in the daytime you can greet them with
- "Bonjour." - Bonjour.
If you are talking to a man you usually add "Monsieur".
"Bonjour Monsieur."
Bonjour Monsieur.
"Bonjour Monsieur."
Bonjour Monsieur.
Good afternoon, and welcome aboard Royalty Express Flight 27...
...two in the rear, and two in the front.
- Cheese sandwich for you? - Thanks.
We have one cheese left, is that OK?
- Baloney or cheese? - Whatever?
- 'Scuse me, can I take this chair? - Sure.
Hey!
What? You told me to take it.
- Ted! - Hey, Donna.
Oh, my god. I'm great.
Oh. You didn't ask me how I was.
No. But now that you've told me...
What are you doing in Cleveland?
I live here. Around the corner, yeah.
This is Royalty's hub. Well, Express.
- You're kidding. - Ted?
Oh, one sec, one sec.
That's my partner, Mary.
Hello.
Hi.
Well, she's pretty.
Oh, no. My school partner.
I'm in law school.
Oh, my god. That is so great.
It's unbelievable, huh?
So, I've got one year in Cleveland and then I can reapply.
Plus, I've already been here six weeks and it's not so bad.
No. That's like halfway there, if you're really really bad at math.
So, why'd you go back to law school?
I had dinner with this incredible woman, charging after her dreams,
not hiding, and I thought to myself, I could do that.
So I'm here now, for a year, it's flying by.
Plus I miss my family, which is really uncool, so don't tell anybody.
Promise.
OK, here's how I look at it.
Cleveland is like a giant waiting room.
So, all we have to do is put in our year and somebody will call our name.
Like, Cleveland is like a great big dentist office
and we're next on the list.
Exactly.
Now all we have to do is think of something to occupy our time.
Sometimes, just when you brace yourself for a really bumpy flight,
it's amazing how the skies can suddenly clear.
But between my schedule and the job Ted took to pay for law school,
I spent too many nights ordering pizza and watching TNT.
Just a minute.
Small cheese pizza with everything, eight dollars even.
Just call me a sucker for a man in uniform.
I cannot believe we got this route.
My god, a real business class?
Honey!
And guess what I get to do in half an hour. Bake cookies.
My God! You are so not Royalty Express material.
I can't believe on a test you're as bad as me. You studied like crazy.
Get out of here.
The more I think about that test,
I'm convinced something got screwed up.
I might hire a lawyer to check into it.
Hey, you could help me out with that.
- I'm not a lawyer. - Well, you're gonna be.
- You think so, huh? - Mmm-hmm.
How is it that you believe in me so much?
Somebody's got to.
Check out 3B. Isn't he cute? Aside from the headphone hair.
He's cruising me. When I said put his tray in the upright position
he said, "That too?" I mean, hello!
And those arms. He's like something out of Men's Health.
I root for you, even though it's against policy.
You route me out and I'll stop letting you do all my paperwork.
All I want is a bit of what you've got with Ted.
Oh, god. He is great.
But did I tell you he wants me to meet his family for Christmas?
And that's bad news why?
Because for me anything to do with family is always bad news.
Don't make me cry.
Thing is, I've always been this girl from Silver Springs
that everybody's said, "You're never gonna do anything,
you'll never get out of here."
And I worry that if I really fall in love with Ted
what's gonna happen to everything I've worked for?
Fine. Don't fall in love with him.
That's kinda where I'm having the problem.
Just takes willpower, is all. You didn't fall in love with me, did you?
You're gay!
But it still took willpower, didn't it?
- Thanks, Donna. - Come on over here.
OK, who's next?
Grandma.
It's from me and Ted.
What?
She can't hear very well. It's from Donna and me.
Thank you, dear.
- What is it? - An all-in-one remote control.
Now you don't have to fuss with all those gadgets.
Thank you dear. Merry Christmas, Ted.
- Thank you, Donna. - Now it's your turn
You said we weren't gonna do presents.
Just open it.
We said we weren't gonna do presents.
I did. I said that. But...
- My god. - What do you think? Do you like it?
It's so beautiful.
It has two time zones.
So if a passenger asks the time, you can think about me.
- I love it. - She's a great gal, Ted.
I think so.
Oh, you're not out of the woods yet, Donna. You've got one more present.
From all of us.
It's the annual Stewart family uniform.
I got you a size medium. I hope you like it baggy.
OK. Time for the team photo. Everybody get over by Grandma.
- Come on, Donna. - Jensen, get in here.
It's a family picture.
Darling, don't be shy. Ted, go get her.
- It's flashing. - Quick.
Quick, quick. Smile, smile.
Cheese.
Well, you survived your first Stewart Family Christmas.
It was good.
I never knew a family could be like that. No fighting. No yelling.
Normally that "everyone dressing the same" thing would kinda freak me out.
But I even liked that dorky red sweater.
Is that all that's going on in that head of yours?
I'm just not used to all that, you know.
Dan.
Hi, Donna. How's life treating you.
Alright. I just want to get a confirmation for tomorrow.
Sure.
Got you going to Pittsburgh on flight 285 at 0800.
Any chance of that Dallas route opening up?
Let me have a look.
Sorry, nothing yet.
- Alright. Thank you. - Have a good trip, Donna.
Oh, my god, Christine.
Donna. Oh, my god.
Oh, my god. What are you doing in Cleveland?
Well, my New York LA flight had mechanical problems
so they dumped us here for the night.
Right. God. Look at your hair. It's so...
Yeah, I know. I'm going for a more classic look.
- Goes better with Chanel. - Right.
I have the sweetest little apartment on West 73rd Street.
You'd be so proud of me.
You know what, Ted.
If not for Donna I would never have made it through training.
- Really - That's not really true.
It is.
Actually, just last week I was thinking of how well you trained me.
I was on the New York to Chicago flight, and this guy gets on
and he has this huge musical case
he's trying to stuff it into the overhead compartment.
I mean, clearly the thing is too big and he refuses to check it, right?
So I thought, what would Donna do?
So I politely said to him, "Either you check it, or you deplane."
That's not what I would do.
What do you mean?
Well, you must as a flight attendant offer that passenger the option
of buying another seat at half price for that item.
It's section 23.4 of the manual.
Well, I can't remember everything.
But you should have remembered that one.
It was the last question on our exam.
Christine, do you have any of those little wings?
My nephew's been begging me, and they don't have them on Express.
Let me look. Let's see what we've got in here.
I love these.
Here we go. Future pilot.
Thank you.
Enjoy.
We could do shots if you want to.
Let's do shots.
Want to?
Paris. First Class. International.
I think I'm doing very well at Express
But I just can't stop thinking maybe there was some mix up with my test.
Some kind of computer malfunction.
Those things mess up all the time, they lose luggage,
or send bags to the wrong city.
I'm afraid that's impossible, Donna, the tests are hand graded.
Right, I forgot about that.
I'm sorry. I'm sure that there's nothing you can do anyway.
Who says there's nothing I can do.
I am Sally Weston. I invented this.
Before me they just pointed. True story.
I did speak to John and asked if I could see my test.
I begged him and he said no.
And I asked if you could see the test and he said no.
Don't you worry about John. Did you see me on Oprah?
I scared the hell out of that wiener, Dr Phil. Hold on.
It's test 1047.
Hello. It's Sally Weston.
Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god. - What is it, Donna?
This isn't my test.
It's my number, it's number 1047, but it isn't mine.
Look at those little hearts.
Time's up. Pencils down. Books closed.
Remember to write your ID number on the front of the exam booklet
- and pass it forward. - So, how did you do?
New York, here I come.
I can't believe it. I trusted her. She was my best friend.
Oh, my god, these answers.
No wonder we sent you to Express, we were being nice.
I can't believe she'd steal my test.
Wait a minute.
That night I had you kids over for dinner
someone took my airplane soaps.
Oh my god. She is probably stealing us blind.
I'll bet she's got a whole closet full of airline property,
headsets. Booze, kosher meals.
OK, there's two things we gotta do.
First we gotta get you retested next week.
If you do as well as I think you will we can reassign you right away.
- How soon can you leave Cleveland? - I just have to talk to Ted.
Who's Ted.
This really great guy that I'm seeing.
Oh, well, I'm afraid you've got a decision to make.
Yeah.
What would you do?
Well, I know what I did. So do you if you read my book.
But, Honey, it's your life, your decision.
Right.
Well, I'll call you later. I've got a flight back to Cleveland at four.
So... You said there were two things.
Don't worry. I'll take care of that. Skedaddle. Don't miss that flight.
OK. Thanks.
Yes, hello. Internal Security, please.
Yes, this is Sally Weston.
I'm reporting a Code Blue for Christine Montgomery.
Put a ghost rider on her flight
and if you see any violations I want that klepto picked up
as soon as the plane hits pavement.
- Miss Montgomery? - Yeah.
- I have to ask you to come with me. - Why, who are you?
Royalty Security. Miss, please, step this way.
Hey, Jensen. You're right.
I can't believe it, I'm top of my class.
My god. Ted, that is so great.
So get your damn coat on, Jensen. We're going out to celebrate.
I have to talk to you.
I have to go to Dallas today.
Christine stole my test.
You're kidding.
So they're gonna retest me.
Wow, that's great. When are they doing that.
I got to leave right away.
OK, sure. No problem. We'll celebrate when you get back.
The thing is. If I do well, I might not be back.
I could get placed to New York.
So that's it? We don't talk about it. I come home. You're leaving...
Well, we've always said that Cleveland is just a big waiting room.
For me the waiting room was my life until I met you.
I'm in love with you.
I can't let somebody tell me that I've seen enough.
Not again.
Got it. Point taken.
I hated leaving Ted.
Ted made me feel like I'd finally found home.
The problem was I wasn't so sure I was ready to be home.
Time's up. Pencils down, Books closed.
Be sure to put your ID number on the front of the exam booklet
and pass it forward.
Well, well, well.
Congratulations.
I just want you to know that I was against this retesting at this time.
That's not procedure. But apparently Miss Sally Weston
doesn't have the same respect for procedure that some of us have to.
So, you'll be happy to know you got a perfect score.
First time in seven years.
The last time was me.
So, I imagine you'll have fun, up there, living out your destiny.
Must be nice.
Thank you.
Your welcome.
Mr Whitney.
I want you to know I couldn't have done this without you.
- Yeah, right. - I mean it.
You're an excellent instructor.
I am?
Yes.
That's the nicest damn thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'd say we're both living our destiny.
You do it, Donna Jensen. You do it for those of us that can't.
I will.
Atta girl. Now you get out of here. Get out of here. Oh, and Donna,
Fly away.
Donna.
Christine.
Hi.
God.
Did you hear the bad news?
What?
I got fired.
Busted for stealing.
Yeah. So I just wanted to come here and say goodbye.
You know...
...isn't amazing how there was a ghost rider on my flight?
Well...
And another thing. I can't help just wondering
how does someone go from Royalty Express
to International in such a short time?
Excuse me, Christine.
I had you figured out from day one, Donna.
What did you say?
You just couldn't stand the fact that I was prettier than you,
that I was more fun than you,
that everyone loved me...
All I did was try to help you out, and you stabbed me in the back.
I never stabbed you in the back, Donna.
You switched our exams.
Well, if your gonna nit-pick.
And you left me rotting in Cleveland,
while you dotted your 'i's with those tacky little hearts in New York City.
Someone had to put you in your place, Little Miss Perfect.
"Oh, excellent, Donna." "Way to go, Donna."
"Is it hard to get those international lines Mrs Weston?"
Throwing yourself all over that stupid Ted.
- Hey. - You make me sick.
Leave Ted out of this.
Just because you're pissed off he wanted me, and not you.
Get your hands off me.
Ooh, I'm scared, Donna.
What are you gonna do? Throw one of your big books at me?
Don't you walk from me.
Good Lord!
Out of the way, please.
Alright.
You know what? You've got that fancy uniform
and that $40 haircut.
But I see right through you, Donna. Right to the inside.
Welcome aboard.
Champagne or caviare?
Nothing for me, thanks.
- Sir, champagne or caviare for you? - I'm fine, thank you.
Would you care for some champagne or caviare?
No thank you. I would like a vodka straight up, though.
Champagne and caviare,
extra wide seats, and no baloney or cheese.
This was first class.
Hello.
Bonjour.
Donna?
I'm in Paris.
Well, good for you. I knew you'd get there.
Can I pick 'em, or can I pick 'em.
Rudolph, you're not tenderising meat, for god's sake!
I really wanted to say thank you.
Well, don't spend all day on the phone. Go out and see the city.
What was I gonna write? I love you but I left you?
I'll just start with "Paris is beautiful."
Miss. Thank you very much.
As soon as everyone takes their seats we'll be ready to leave.
Excuse me, if we are going to be late I have to make a call.
Thank you.
Call for Donna Jensen. This is Royalty International Scheduling.
You're on for tomorrow. 6am, flight 698 to Cairo. Thanks.
Hey, Donna. It's Jill with Royalty International.
Your schedule has been changed You're headed to Lisbon...
Hi Donna, it's Paige. Look, I know you're just back from Geneva
but how about a trip to Brooklyn.
We're having our Christmas open house tonight. Come on.
It'll be fun. Some of the other girls will be there too. Call me, OK?
Donna. Hi. I'm so glad you came.
Come on in.
Wow, that looks so good. Thank you so much.
Donna, you've gotta get in there
and start mingling with some of the straight guys.
We had then shipped in especially for you from Jim's work.
Thank you.
God, you look really nice.
Are you serious? Man, I'm so beat. I really need this rest.
I think you look great.
Oh, shoot!
Can you just give them the address. 123 Clinton. Clinton and Peirpont.
Hello?
Oh, Bob. It's Donna Jensen.
Oh... when do you need her.
Really? Tomorrow?
That's Christmas Eve.
You know what? I'll take it.
Yeah. I could really use the shift.
Christmas in Paris? It's a dream.
OK? I'll see you there.
Was that Kim and Nancy?
"Are you happy with your long distance carrier?" I said you were.
Can you believe them? I guess they figure everyone's home on Christmas.
Will you pose for a photo.
Is that Donna Jensen?
Sally.
What are you doing here?
We're creatures of habit, Jack and I.
We have Christmas in Paris, new years in New York, la-de-dah.
How exciting.
Really not. So, were you here for Christmas too?
Yes, I was.
Gosh, the Champs Elysées, the lights. I loved it.
Did I tell you about a nasty habit flight attendants pick up on the job?
No.
We learn to always keep smiling,
even when we're out of Bloody Mary mix.
Do you remember that guy I was telling you about? Ted.
Of course.
I just really miss him. That's all.
Wh... what's the problem? Go fly and see him.
Well, I can't. I took your advice and we broke up.
My advice?
Well, sort of. You know how in your book you say
don't ever let anything get in the way of your destiny?
Darling, I don't think you read carefully enough.
What I also said was that every pilot needs a co-pilot.
And let me tell you it's nice to have someone sitting beside you,
especially when you hit some bumpy air.
I just really miss him.
I just wish I could get him back.
Well, last time I checked, you were a girl who could make things happen.
So stop feeling sorry for yourself
and stop worrying about what he'll say.
You're right.
I'm gonna do it.
Alright, but we have to move fast.
If memory serves, there is a 9pm direct from Paris to Chicago.
The last connection out of O'Hare would put you into Cleveland in...
...twelve hours.
Wait a minute. Who am I going to get to cover my shift?
Are you kidding? It's been a while,
but I still give the best oxygen mask demo in the business. Get going.
Pierre, I need a uniform tout de suite.
Welcome to New York where the local time is 7. 13am.
I'd like to thank you for flying with us today,
and remind you that the last one off the plane has to clean it.
Hello.
Ted?
Hi, Mrs Stewart.
I'm Donna. I don't know if you remember me, I'm Ted's friend.
We got you that little clicker thing, for the tv, remember.
Is Ted here?
I messed up.
I really did.
You see, I thought that I was... getting everything that I wanted
and... I thought Paris and... First Class would make me happy
but... it didn't.
Cos... if you don't have that person to come home to...
...then going away is just...
I love him.
And I just wanted to tell him that he made me happy.
Who are you?
You haven't heard a single word I've said, have you?
I did.
I love you.
And I want to stay. I do.
Are you sure?
And you're gonna be happy?
Yep.
In Cleveland. How are you gonna be happy in Cleveland?
Cos you're in Cleveland.
- I'm sorry. - Me too.
Sally had said that life is a series of arrivals and departures,
but I learned there is more than one way to spread your wings.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
welcome to Cleveland's Hopkins International airport.
Please keep your seatbelts fastened until we reach the gate.
We know you have a choice when you travel
and we thank you for choosing Royalty Express.
If this is a stop over, we wish you a safe continuation of your journey
And if Cleveland is your final destination...
...welcome home.
Mark.
That is bull arse!
You wanna know what is bull arse? Eye exams.
You can't keep laughing at that!
That's evil.
I'll get it. I'll get it.
Cut!
Infinity flight two-niner-niner-zero,
you are cleared for take off
on runway... six.
Nine!
Doh!
I am a kitten.
I'm OK.
Gotta take off. Don't I wish.
...can't do it.
I can't hear you.
This ain't your mama's house.
Questions? None.
Gotta take off. Don't I wish.
I am Sally Weston.
Muffin! How long do dogs live?
I love being a turtle.
You know, like the Mutant Ninja Turtles. OK, what did we learn?
OK, let me try...
OK, class. What did Randy forget?
- Mary. - Christine.
No... Donna?
I know this.
Randy?
I forgot to buy him a drink?
And that is procedure.